‘Transformers: The Last Knight’ review: Some things never change

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June 23, 2017 by Hope W.

Evil!Optimus fighting Bumblebee in Transformers: The Last Knight

Just finished watching Transformers: The Last Knight. I have so many questions I forgot half of them by the time I finished the film. These are the rest (spoilers ahead!):

  • Why was Optimus Prime frozen in space when we first see him?
  • Why was that dying Transformer Knight that Cade Yeager tries to save in Chicago, and not on the underwater ship thing along with the rest of his Knight brethren?
  • Since when did Bumblebee get the ability to reassemble his parts, and why don’t the rest of the Transformers have the same ability?
  • Why were the TRF following Cade Yeager around the whole movie and trying to get him killed by setting the Decepticons on his trail, if not attempting to kill him themselves?
  • What are the horn things and why did they appear?
  • Bumblebee was around during WWII? There were Transformers in modern human history? You just retconned your first three movies!
  • What is this Witwickian society thing, and why does John Turturro’s character want to be in it so much? And why didn’t we hear about it when Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf’s character) was still in the movies? Because it’s a bunch of hogwash to give the Transformers some grand history like the Freemasons or something?
  • What was the deal with the submarine? Why could only Vivian activate it?
  • What was happening on the submarine? Why did the Transformer butler keep asking Cade and Vivian to go to places/stay at a place while action was happening?
  • Where did they find clothes to change on the submarine? They didn’t go on board with luggage!
  • Where did Evil!Optimus SUDDENLY appear from in the underwater ship thing, at the opportune moment, right after Vivian found the staff?
  • Where did the Decepticons SUDDENLY appear from, right after Optimus regains his senses, to take the staff from him? What have they been doing since they disappeared on screen (I think since the London scenes)?
  • What happened to Megatron since the last movie? Was he in the last movie? Why doesn’t he ever stay dead?
  • How did Bumblebee SUDDENLY regain his voice, after five movies of having no voice, at the opportune moment, just as Optimus was about to kill him?
  • Why didn’t Evil!Optimus just swat away Cade Yeager like a fly when he was trying to butt in between his fight with Bumblebee?
  • Why was the ship underwater in the first place? Wasn’t it on a mountain or something? Have water levels really risen so high since the Dark Ages?
  • Where did Optimus Prime and the dragon/knights disappear to during the last battle, that the soldiers almost gave up hope?
  • Who were the Autobots fighting in the last battle? I count more Decepticons than Megatron asked for, and they didn’t even look like the Decepticons on Megatron’s team. Or maybe I’m mistaken.
  • Why did Vivian HAVE to be the one to pull the staff out? Why couldn’t a Transformer do it, or even better yet, one of the Transformer Knights who gave Merlin the power in the first place?
  • How much did they pay Anthony Hopkins to act in this movie? Yes, he was in the Thor movies, but at least he had *dignity* in the Thor movies. (Plus the Thor movies were 10,000 times better.)

Are you looking for your dignity, Sir Anthony? Because it certainly isn’t in this movie.

I reread my Age of Extinction review in hopes that it can jerk my memory of what happened previously, because I have zero desire to rewatch it. And realised that *every single thing* that I said then — except for the specific plot points that of course don’t apply, not that the plot here makes sense either — is exactly how I feel about The Last Knight. Some things never change.

(Except maybe US audiences, who seem to be growing fatigued with the franchise, since it’s projected to have the lowest opening weekend since the first movie. But as long as the worldwide box office saves the day, there’ll be another.)

One part did make me laugh genuinely (as opposed to in derision): dramatic music playing when Sir Edmund was telling the story of the knights and Merlin’s bloodline to Cade and Vivian, and then we pan to the Transformer butler playing the organ/singing operatically. That was really funny!

Cogman, the Transformer butler (voiced by Jim Carter)

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